Clarity

As I was coming home tonight from my classes in Lo Barnechea, which is a suburb of the city, I was able to see the city in its entirety – wow. To say it was beautiful is an understatement, to see Santiago without its ever present cloud of smog that seems to inhabit the city welcome or not is a rarity. Coming down the hill to see the lights that seemed to go on forever was a reminder that I did the right thing, I am in South America because I wanted something different. I am a 25 year old girl from the Midwest, at home that means you need to be in a stable job and dating the man you mean to marry or at least be damn certain you are searching for him. I think that is amazing and I am so happy for my friends that have found that and want that in their lives; I however am not that person. I desire something completely different and unfortunately being from Midwest USA makes me the odd man out. I have decided that I want adventure, the unknown, the uncomfortable at times, and to just live my life the way I want rather than the way society dictates. I have had my moments of doubt lately; that I should not be here and trying to figure out the best way to go home and when but I really had a moment of clarity on the bumpy route that the C14 takes back to Santiago tonight. I need to be here, I need to fulfill that nagging feeling that has been in my stomach since about my junior year of college. I am not the girl that gets married early, knows exactly what she wants to be when she grows up right when she gets out of college, has kids at the age of 20 something and honestly I am OK with that. Santiago, Chile has brought out the best of me or at least I am certain it will – I am way out of my comfort zone and I am realizing that is alright. I wanted to be tested, to be uncomfortable, and to come back knowing myself better than I ever have.

I am sure this revelation will not be as compelling to my readers as I have found it but I needed to do a bit of word vomit and just get it out there. I am not sure I have ever articulated the feelings I have about being worlds apart from my friends at home both figuratively and literally- simply I don’t have the same desires and aspirations in my life right now. I am sure some day I will but until then I am going to continue to find out what I am made of and travel as much as I can because I would much rather do it now than when I retire – I mean really, I can do way more questionable things without the voice of judgement in my 20’s than I can in my 60’s : )

Has anyone else had a moment of clarity in their life? If so, tell me about it – I’d love to hear your stories!

Alyssa

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One comment

  1. Found your blog off of TEFL site. I studied abroad in Chile last Aug-Dec and absolutely fell in love with it. I, too, am from the Midwest and find it frustrating and guilt wrenching that many of my friends and family do not understand this mindset. I am planning on coming back to Chile in October to teach English.

    Muy buena suerte en todo. Disfruta mi ciudad tan querida! 🙂
    If you haven’t already….Emporio La Rosa, close to Museo Bellas Artes. Guilty pleasure!

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